Your Friendly Neighborhood Doppelgänger

On the scam of "individuality" and the comfort in closeness.

Something I’ve found myself enjoying more and more in this generation is the widespread relatability, most often directed toward women. This is a far cry from days of being that girl who’s just “different” in one way or another, days that aren’t too far behind us.

In my Young Adult Literature class that I’m taking this semester, we had to make a list of common tropes in the young adult genre. One of the most common ones that my classmates and I wrote down, that we see over and over again in our readings, is what we call the “We’re not so different after all trope,” or the “E.T. Moment” for short. Obviously the title gives it away, but this is essentially the moment that two characters who had struggles with each other finally realize that they’re more alike than they thought.

I think everyone in our current society is consecutively going through this trope. We’re having our E.T. Moments together, looking at one another and realizing we’re looking in a mirror. 

I began to enjoy myself a lot more when I accepted that I was far from “different.” When “not like other girls” became “I am you, and you, and you, and also me.” Instead of capitalizing on our differences, leading to bigger insecurities, we’ve begun capitalizing on our sameness, and realizing how beautiful our commonality is.

I’m not advocating for conformity—far from it. I’d like an acceptance of the things we enjoy without fear of judgment, without adopting this notion that we have to be a sole individual to have worth. Society, whatever exactly you think that might be, values conformity under the guise of individuality. The best way to accept this is to accept our normalities and our oddities, and instead of spending our time searching for the next thing that will set us apart, we search for those that share some of our monotony and take comfort in that, yet still allow ourselves to happily be challenged by our differences. 

I read a book recently, and I absolutely hated it. But a single line stuck out to me. You might have seen it on my Instagram by now, but in case you haven’t, it said: “People who love themselves will fit in anywhere.” Again, this is not an advocation for conformity; in fact, it’s the opposite. By loving ourselves, we can “fit in” while standing out—when we are most ourselves is when we will find people most like us, and build stronger relationships.

Isn’t it a lonely life to exploit our differences? To place emphasis on why we will never be alike, why we must never share qualities? If you insist so adamantly on being different from others, on being apart from them, on being ahead of them, then who will stand by you at the end of the day? Who will keep your pace? Who will hold your hand?

On my Pinterest, I made a board titled “life i want” which you can find here, which is pretty much exactly what the title says. I pinned a bunch of images together that I feel best capture the life I’d like to build myself, and am slowly building day by day. If you take a look at it, you’ll find that there’s one key similarity between most pictures: community.

I have always craved a life surrounded by people who are similar in the ways that matter, but not to the extent that we remain complacent. The friends I have today challenge my beliefs and opinions regularly, but we more often find ourselves agreeing with each other, because we hold the same morals and enjoy the same things.

We will always be different in one way or another. But when we force this difference, and try so hard to not be like others, we lose the things that make us human, that allow us to hold each other close instead of at an arm’s length. Allow our similarities to be our similarities, and our differences to be our differences. Embrace yourself fully, in all your normality and mundanity. You are not original. Wear that with a smile. 

If you enjoyed reading this and relate even a little, I have the perfect playlist for you here on my Spotify. Listen in order for the best listening experience.

Can’t wait for my next monthly newsletter? I post daily musings on my Instagram here along with lots of info about me that’ll make you feel like you know me a little too well.

Much love in October to everyone,

paula <3