mixtape #1: i can be a better boyfriend than him (jacob elordi's version)

unpacking the trending "boyfriend" aesthetic, what it means, outfit essentials, and why it's so attractive.

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A friend of mine was getting ready to go out with a group of people, and amongst them was someone he’d been interested in and had been rejected by. He’d handled the rejection gracefully, but still wanted to look his best at this hang-out. “What am I supposed to wear?” he asked. “My friends and I wear, like, flared jeans, vests, you know, Gorpcore.” (Gorpcore: hypebeast granola, in summary. Lots of thoughts on this trend, most in its favor.) “Girls out here don’t like that!”

“Ah, so you can’t wear your Balenciaga’s,” my partner added to the conversation, referring to our friend’s pair of Balenciaga Triple S sneakers. 

“Exactly! So what do I wear?”

“Boyfriend,” I said immediately. “You’ve gotta dress boyfriend.”

I described the staples of the look to him: an oversized (extra points if thrifted) crewneck sweater or hoodie, preferably gray or with a Nike logo, a t-shirt peeking out beneath, dad jeans, and some casual but stylish sneakers. Adidas Sambas are your best bet, but other options include Reebok Club C 85, Nike Monarch, New Balance 550, or your classic Chuck Taylor. Bonus points if any of these are an exclusive or collaborative edition. Or, if you want to dress it up a little, pair your look with some Derbies (Oree NYC’s Morgan Infantry Lace Up or the Rotten Closet Corset Derby, specifically). I know that’s a lot of recommendations for just some shoes on a fairly basic outfit, but a lot goes into this effortlessly irresistible look, and this is only the surface.

Let’s consult the face of the boyfriend look in 2023: Jacob Elordi, who’s been elected as Twitter’s favorite white man of the year. And can you blame them?

Despite being temporarily hated for his character in Euphoria (we seriously need to learn to separate actors from their characters), Elordi has become widely adored for his charisma, great acting, good looks, and killer fashion sense, according to the internet. But his fashion isn’t revolutionary or showstopping—it’s just attractive as hell, in a way that makes you feel he’s trustworthy, as weird as that sounds. Elordi’s style tells you he’s not just any one-night stand; he’s here for the boyfriend title.

Here’s a breakdown of some of the elements that make up Elordi’s ultimate boyfriend recipe:

Oversized jeans with huge pockets? Check. Book tucked into aforementioned huge pockets? Check. Holding another book in your hand? Double check. Take notes: ladies love literacy.

Elordi’s look often comes down to just that. Wear a hoodie that your significant other could steal. Wear sneakers she’s saved on her Pinterest board. Add a fun baseball cap for a bit of personality. His style is, for all intents and purposes, catered to the female gaze in the simplest sense. In a world that requires the harshest demands for women, at the end of the day, girls just want to be cozy. And boyfriend style is just that: cozy with character, cozy with flair.

If you’ve ever been on the fangirl side of the internet—any fandom that involved semi-attractive, semi-famous men—you’ve most likely seen photos of your fan favorite that were captioned with something along the lines of “Boyfriend pictures.” The leader of this phenomenon is none other than Harry Styles, to the point where the term “boyfriendrry” was coined. If you look this term up on Pinterest, the result will be an assortment of candid-esque photos of Styles that fangirls can imagine they took themselves. Despite his flamboyant fashion sense, you can find him sporting the boyfriend outfit essentials in many of these photos: baggy jeans, crewnecks, and a fisherman-style beanie now and then to take the place of Elordi’s signature cap. It’s not nearly as put-together as Elordi, but this photo genre has the same warmth and candid feel.

I consider boyfriend pictures and boyfriendrry to be the root of the boyfriend style. This is where it all stemmed from. The comfort, the nonchalance, the ease that makes you feel like you know the outfit-wearer or that, at the very least, you want to know them and feel like you can. Lately, a different trending look on TikTok has been “unapproachable,” which takes the form of all-black clothing, dark eye makeup, an attitude, and excellent posture. Boyfriend is the opposite of this look; it’s the most approachable you could get, but it’s still something to aspire towards. That’s where we find it attractive. We want what we can’t have, but we want to think we can have it. Hence: the boyfriend look.

However, don’t be fooled by the label—you don’t have to be a boyfriend, or a boy at all, to incorporate this look into your everyday life. I’ve seen various women pull off the boyfriend look ten times better than most boys I know. A prime example of this is Melina Marissa, a fashion influencer known as justmelines on Instagram and TikTok, who is one of my top 5 fashion inspirations right now. Her go-to looks also typically involve baggy pants and shirts, crewnecks, and cool-ass shoes. She’s always cozy, but always fashionable. Who knows? Maybe she could be a better boyfriend than Jacob Elordi.

Sounds easy enough overall, right? Throw together some baggy clothes and expensive sneakers, top it off with a baseball cap from your local thrift store, and boom, you've got the boyfriend look. But not really.

Marissa has an effortless swagger and coolness that allows her to pull off the boyfriend look. In the time when boyfriendrry was at its peak, Styles was considered to be a total gentleman with an infectious charisma. Elordi is Twitter’s favorite white boy not just for his looks, but for his character. Take this recently viral video of Elordi picking up a coffee cup for his shorter castmate. Or this video of Elordi picking up his castmate to congratulate her after they finished wrapping their latest film. It’s nothing extravagant, but the sweetness of the littlest actions makes the internet swoon.

Here’s the thing about fashion: you can adopt any style you want, but it won’t be entirely yours until you own it and act the part.

I highly recommend embodying the boyfriend look this season, particularly for sweater weather. But why not embody its persona as well?

Welcome to Under the Bed, a newsletter made from my passion for music and fashion. I’m absolutely giddy as I write this. I have a lot of thoughts on these subjects and nowhere to put them, so I decided to place them here. Because what is often tossed on our bedroom floors? Where did all the hot girls hide their precious CDs and mini skirts from their strict parents? What did Lane Kim keep in her floorboards and her mattress? So I give you: Under the Bed.

This newsletter will be uploaded twice a month, bi-weekly, every Sunday (according to your votes on my Instagram). You can also vote on my story bi-weekly to vote on what topic you want to read about next. The notes app on my phone thanks you for giving me a place to empty its contents.

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Here’s to us all becoming better boyfriends,

✮ Paula ✮